Eating Blue Jello

Why would I eat blue jello for breakfast, because tomorrow I get to participate in the rite of passage that happens when you go over the hill, a colonoscopy.

Here something amusing I found:

Let’s look at the bright side of colonoscopies:

  • 2 days with a valid excuse to do as little as possible.  Perfect opportunity to ignore your boss and watch Dawson’s Creek from episode 1, and not feel lame doing a jigsaw puzzle.
  • colonoscopy tipsCleaning out your system.  Even though all preps are hard to get down, and the effects are unpleasant, once you get through, it’s nice to get completely empty and give your bowels a break from their full time job.
  • Post-procedure naps.  After it’s all done, you can head home and take pretty much the awesomest, most refreshing nap possible.
  • Your first meal back.  Two-Four-Six-Eight, who do we appreciate? Solid food. If you’re like me, this is what you dream of during the scope.
  • Showing off to your 50+ year old counterparts.  Oh, you’re putting off your first really important colorectal cancer screening colonoscopy? Toughen up, I’ve totally done that.  Seven times.

Tips to Survive the Colonoscopy Prep:

Food, er, Liquid Diet Ideas: Did you know that clear liquids include things such as root beer and black coffee?  Those silly doctors have a different definition of “clear” than the rest of the world!  Some things that are usually accepted as part of your diet include more than chicken broth, lemon-lime Jello, lemon-lime Gatorade, and lemon-lime hard candy.

Root beer is one of my favorite “clear liquids” to change up flavors.  It’s got an extremely sweet taste, and is a great contrast to all the citrus flavors you’ll probably consume.  It’s also my favorite chaser for the prep solution!

colonoscopy prep

Other sodas can include basically anything that’s not red or purple. Carbonation is an easy way to trick your stomach into feeling full.  Colas, along with black coffee (no milk or creamer!) can give you a quick caffeine boost, if, for some reason, you intend to do anything but sit on the couch.

Prep Preference can make your intake more bearable. If you’ve done multiple preps in the past, you probably know which ones are easiest for you to get down. Don’t be afraid to ask for your preferred method from your doctor.  We’ve had success with over the counter Miralax, and Osmo Prep pills in the past.

Colder goes down easier, we’ve been told.  Get your Gatorade prep cocktail super cold by putting it in the freezer for about 45 minutes, so it’s very chilled but not frozen.  The cold knocks down the bad taste.

Cold Jello + Hot Soup, in this order, I’ve been told, can also make you feel full.  The warm liquid will expand the Jello in your stomach, and you won’t be haunted by hunger pains.  Try this at your own risk and flavor combinations.

Soups without solids extend way beyond just chicken broth!  It might take minimal work to strain out some noodles or other objects, but it’s worth it to enjoy flavor beyond broth.  Try Miso Soup– this is what you get at sushi or hibachi restaurants- you can find packets in the Ethnic aisle at the grocery store.  There will be a few floating pieces of dried seaweed- easy to strain out.  Another good one is dried chicken soup, these aren’t too noodle heavy and you can pick out the noodles no problem.

Citrus overload solutions– Because lemon-lime flavoring to IBDers is like Tequila to anyone who’s ever done spring break in Mexico.  Thanks to a surge of all natural foods on the market, it’s easy to find berry, and other flavored grocery items without Red #40. (When will Jello get the memo?)  One of my favorites is pomegranate iced tea.

Frozen desserts without dairy, such as popsicles and Italian Ice, are one of the best ways to trick your mind into thinking its getting solid food.  Again, you can get the standard lemon and lime flavors, but also banana, green apple, and mango.  Just make sure you check for dairy ingredients and red dyes before consuming!

Flushable wipes.  Not to eat, of course.  But chill them in the fridge.  There are no words for this level of soothing during prep day. Calmoseptine ointment is another great tool for soothing your bum during the prep.

 

Okay so after reading all this, I know I will survive and I will need a good dose of humor to get through the day 🙂  5 more of peaceful hours … ahhh

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